Help I'm in love with an alcoholic

by Lori
(Broad Top, Pa.)

I'm in love with a man, who is an Alcoholic. He says he loves me so much and he never wants to loose me.

We have been together for 4 months and every weekend he has been drinking lately. He doesn't just drink a couple, he keeps going until he finally goes out. He can drink 3 5ths, or a bottle of wine and over 1/2 case of beer. He can remember most things while being drunk, but when I say "you said you would only drink once a month," he gets very mad.

I'm afraid of loosing him, because I am in love with him, and I'm afraid if I don't give in he will leave me and my kids. He is on probation, and I don't know what to do, to convince him to get help if he loves me so much. What can I do?


Loving an addict or alcoholic can be very difficult and painful. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. He is likely getting mad because he does not want to face the fact that there is a problem and/or he does not want to stop drinking.

When approaching him, it is important to do so in a loving, supporting, and encouraging way rather than in a judging, condemning, and accusing way. Tell him that you care deeply about him and are concerned for his well-being. Explain to him that you think there is more to life than drinking and encourage him to pursue other means of pleasure. Be supportive and let him know that you believe in him.

Ultimately, he has to make the decision to drink less/quit drinking. He should not do it solely to keep you or anyone else. He needs to do it because he knows that it is best for himself.

I realize that you love him; however, you need assess his readiness to commit to a serious relationship. It is still early in the relationship and that is a good time to look deeply at these things. He may not have what it takes to be a good partner and make you happy. He may be unable to meet your emotional needs. You cannot fix him or change him. Ask yourself if he is truly the right one for you. I don’t mean if he quit drinking and did this and that. I mean, right now, as he is, is he the right one for you?

For more information on alcoholism and marriage, and how an alcoholic will affect your children, follow the links.

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