What Can I Do To Get My Husband To Stop Drinking

Well I have been married to this man for 24 years and we have two children (adults). While I have voiced my concern over his drinking and he says he knows he drinks too much, it continues to happen.


He works hard and does a great job, but he does not even come in the house when he gets home before cracking a beer. I like to occasionally have a drink but can not keep hard liquor in the house as he drinks it on me. He spends his weekends drunk or asleep. We are free from children and should be living our life, yet he drinks it away. The only time we go out in public is if he HAS TOO. We no longer have sex, and there is barely any intimacy. I have gained some weight being ill, and I am sure that plays a part in his lack of motivation to have sex ( I am not HUGE just 30 over-but he as well has gained 50) but I feel useless, unloved unwanted (unless it is to do his bidding). I no longer feel like his mate but his slave.

I have played the role of mom and dad to our kid their whole lives and now being disabled I find it overwhelming and at times I just want to walk away from all of them and disappear. I love this man with all my heart and would live a life of never having sex again if it was to be, but there has to be a way that I can feel worthwhile and loved right...I make a list of projects for us to do, and the list just continues to sit, unless I do them myself.

I know he hates his job, and with a severe learning disability he does not have the self esteem to take on a new career, I know my illness weighs on him, as does the fact that our kids lean on me for basically everything, his mother lives with us (several months of the year) and he really has no Friends to speak of. What can I do to help him find his way without booze??

Reply


I’m not sure if your husband is open to talking about things with you. If he is, the two of you may be able to connect over some of the issues plaguing your marriage. I wouldn’t advise addressing the alcohol first. Start with issues that may cause him to drink- marriage, illness, weight gain, dislike of job. See if you can lovingly and patiently get him to open up to you about things that may drive him to drink. Ask him if he’s happy or unhappy. Ask him about his dreams for the future. Ask him what he feels hopeless about. Empathize with how he feels even if it’s different from how you feel. Brainstorm ways to improve your situation. An increase in hope may decrease his drinking and give him motivation.

If he is unwilling to open up to you or the talk doesn’t go well, I suggest that you get help for yourself. You may find some much needed support in speaking with a licensed counselor or joining an Al-Anon group. It’s very important that you have someone to talk to in an open and supportive environment.

Some information that may help you include living with an alcoholic and how Al Anon works.

Comments for What Can I Do To Get My Husband To Stop Drinking

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Jan 17, 2014
we have the same problem
by: Anonymous

You are not alone. I have been married 19 years and understand the weekends and honey do list being ignored and replaced by alcohol recently. I just started understanding the disease the last few years and after being promised it wouldn't be this way again when he fell...it is again. It now affects me healthwise so I feel I should save myself and give him a year to get help on own. I love him too and it'll be a hard decision..but maybe the one that saves him.

May 20, 2013
I know just how you feel
by: Anonymous

I have been married to an alcoholic for over 40 yrs. It has been a long road and the best you can do is just live with it. Try to get along with him the best way you can. As long as he does not abuse you just stick to it and pray alot!

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