Having alcoholism in the family is like having an unwanted guest that never leaves. The way this guest affects each person is different, and often unpleasant.
The idea of alcoholism and family “life” remaining somewhat normal is truly a contradiction. Until an alcoholic gets help, life will never quite be the same, and even afterwards the damage takes time to heal.
In the early stages of alcoholism, it may seem like life remains fairly consistent. In fact, people may not know for a while that anything is wrong. Alcoholism in the family is a slow disease – the awareness of it comes gradually as do the slowly progressing warning signs.
As the disease progresses, those signs become easier see, especially as drinking becomes more important than everything, and everyone else. At this juncture it becomes more difficult to know what to expect from problem drinkers, leaving the rest of the family to come up with coping mechanisms for daily life issues.
Studies of alcoholism and family reactions indicates that the people around an alcoholic generally fit into a specific role. One such role is the hero – the person who achieves and makes the family feel good, but who may do so out of a low self-esteem. Another role is the scapegoat – often the trouble child who feels that they’re at fault for a parents or siblings drinking. A third role is that of displaced individual, who prefers to simply disappear rather than watch the on-going struggle.
Beyond these three you’ll find caretakers who do for others, but are often left with unmet personal needs, a facilitator who somehow enables the drinker, a protector who tries to safeguard the drinker from negative consequences, and the clown who tries to restore laughter and positive feelings. Sadly, nearly no one is truly “happy” or “content” in these roles, and may grow to resent them over time.
Alcoholism and family lifestyles span the spectrum. King and commoner, mother and sports hero, CEO and welfare recipient, old and young – alcoholism can affect anyone. Once this disease touches a family, it not only disrupts daily life, but can become a generational issue. Children born to alcoholics have a far greater risk of becoming alcoholic. Recent surveys show that alcohol abuse accounts for about 25% of all family problems.
Alcoholism in the family has a lot of residual side effects impacting the people in the drinker’s life. These can include:
When you’re facing alcoholism in the family, it’s important for everyone to seek help together, as well as for couples to have marital counseling and children to have a private sounding board that’s not emotionally involved. Alcoholism creates a lot of stress in the home. Even as the overall problems from alcohol didn’t manifest over night, it’s going to take time, patience and effort to help both the alcoholic and the family’s recovery.
What’s most important is understanding that the drinker’s behavior is not any one person’s fault. If need be, the family can get on the road to recovery even if the alcoholic is not. This happens by getting supports in place and by refusing to enable the problem any further. In some cases families get professional help with an intervention to get things moving in the right direction.
If you’d like to know more about alcoholism and family health, feel free to contact us.